i just sent this text using only my big toe
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sobbing to NWA
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
