You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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