Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
