ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
