I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
