MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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