doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
