So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
