Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
