I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
