went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
a search helicopter?!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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