would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
