Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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