True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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