I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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