Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
