All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
