Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
