your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
