I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
