I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
