We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
