We won't sleep together?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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