when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I want to fling myself into the sun
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
