bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
