I murdered the dance floor call the cops
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
