hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
