Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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