Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
