stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
