So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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