I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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