he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
