He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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