You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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