I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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