I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
