I molested 6 butterflies tonight
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
