I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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