checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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