You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
