i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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