Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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