He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
