MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
