Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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