Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
