who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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