I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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