So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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