WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
