They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
