sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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