I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
