He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
