i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
