i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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